I recently went to the doctors for a change of pill, apparently being an overweight smoker of nearly 30 isn’t ideal to be on the combined pill – I can’t see why?! JOKING. But, after going through the usual check-ups; height, health and blood pressure it was time to step on the scales for a weigh-in… We will get back to that in a moment, but first this…
My weight yo-yos because I let it, one year I am a size 10 the next I am a size 18. I have clothes in my wardrobe ranging from a size 6 – 22 as I have been all those sizes and every one in-between. I have tried the no carbs diet, the all carbs diet, the starve yourself thin diet and all the other silly things you have think of. A few years back I joined Weight Watchers and went from a size 16 (15st) to a size 10 (9.5st), but after injuring my hip during a half marathon I let myself go as I wasn’t running anymore. I let myself get bigger and bigger…
So back to the scales. I stepped on and as usual I kept my head high so I couldn’t see the digital numbers climb higher. Phew, it was over and I had managed to avoid reality yet again. I sat down to discuss options with the doctor and I glanced at the screen – I saw my weight. I was disgusted. I was repulsed. I was ashamed. It’s the biggest I have ever been and the size of the numbers on the screen broke me. How had I let myself get so big? I knew how though; all those hidden snacks, the binge eating chocolate in a hope it would fill the loneliness. I admit I have been feeling down for over a year, and I have been using food to try comfort myself. In actual fact the more I eat and the bigger I get it just makes me feel even worse about myself and lonelier.
After leaving the Dr’s I knew it had to stop. I knew I had to do something about it and do it properly; by properly I mean safely and with support. Luckily I have some amazing blogging friends and I told them my weight and how disgusted I was with myself – they weren’t. They rallied around and directed me to their Pinterest boards packed full of healthy recipes, easy work outs and clean living tips. Thank you ladies, you made me realise it’s not the weight I am now, it’s the weight I will be, and also that I am awesome no matter what.
That night I went to ASDA and stocked up on lots of salad and low calorie popcorn (I wasn’t ready to totally quit snacks just yet), and I cut out all the crap I was trying to fill my loneliness with. I also got sent some Lighter Life items that are to help with the 5:2 diet, but as I said before I don’t want to do fad diets, and I don’t want to fast for 2 days a week as denying myself something will only make me want to eat it more. So, I have been using the Lighter Life shakes for breakfast a few days a week, and yoghurts mixed with oats on other days. On the days I have yoghurt and oats I then have a Lighter Life Fast Pot for lunch and a normal evening meal of chicken salad or soup. I have not had chocolate in over 2 weeks now, no crisps either (well, a bag of Quavers but they are baby crisps).
After the first week I stood on the scales preparing for a loss, but a small loss of 1-2lbs. The scales showed a big loss. I didn’t believe it so got my mum to check whilst I was on the scales. I moved the scales around the house. I weighed myself more than 7 times, but it was always the same… I had lost 10lbs. I was over the moon, and had a little happy cry.
I had my 2nd week weigh in on Saturday and I had stayed the same, but I had also upped my calorie intake by about 100 calories (from 1000-1300 to 1100-1400) by eating nuts every day – so this week I am going to leave the nuts out and see what happens. I am still trying to find the balance of what’s right for me.
I was sent the Lighter Life products as part of a 6 week challenger to boost confidence and Rock Your Best Bits in time for Christmas. But, I don’t want that. I was to change for more than 6 weeks, I want this to be a lifestyle for me and not a challenge. I haven’t used the products in the way they are intended as that isn’t sustainable for me. I have used them in a way that is sustainable for me, and in a way that I won’t have to look at those scales and be disgusted again. I know I shouldn’t attach feelings or a value to my weight, but I do. I don’t want to feel the way I did that day at the Dr’s. EVER.
The 6 weeks for the challenge are up around mid-December and I will be posting another update then, as I set myself a personal goal to lose a stone before my 30th. 4lbs to go in 2.5 weeks. I will also be doing updates every few weeks/months in the future as this is something I want to keep up.
I want to change. I will change.